If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
