There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
