apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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