Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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