Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
