All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
