you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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