i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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