Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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