Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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