It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
