I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
