So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my shit smells like andre
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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