Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
