he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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