when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
bring money and cleavage
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
