if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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