How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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