I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
