My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
