The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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