i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And then my night got REAL pukey
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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