please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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