So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
