guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
