Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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