i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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