My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
