I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
