ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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