I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
