I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
