I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize