Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
