I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
