Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Couch. On fire.
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