either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
