no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
