FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize