im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
