In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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