friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
