My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
