I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
