I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
