ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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