I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize