Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
