'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
