Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
