I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
