you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
