his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
