ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
