Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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