you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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