I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
