She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's never too late to be topless.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
