I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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