I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize