i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't turn off my feet"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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