just tell him i said nine months
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
