Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
