I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
