I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
