I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
