did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Randomize
