walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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