Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I need a beard to bite.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
