I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize