I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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