how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
wow bdsm is so cute
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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