Can i not drive my cunt home
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
