At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I touched a dick in church today
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
