checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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