I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
