You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize