I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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