I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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