you guys were way drunker than both of me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
