drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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