so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
