Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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