"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the condom got lost in my hair
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
