i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
