shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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