What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
