he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
