I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
