New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
