hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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