I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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