I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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