we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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