Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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