Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
