Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
