yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
