dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
