I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
