I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
