Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
