With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
