it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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