If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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