last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
