Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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