Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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