O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
