I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
