I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
