Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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