Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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