If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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