you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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