adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
