did you get engaged???
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
