I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
