I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize